What grinds your gears?

[StN]

Dr Quack prescribing some magical cough elixir that can not be found for love nor money. Phoning around won't help because the dispensories know that if they let on that they have it they will be burgled due to it's Morphine content.

The Gin/Whiskey taste and drowsiness side effects did sound appealing though.

[Jodi]

Originally Posted by xor

User: Oops sorry, I forgot to tell you we also need this added to each of the pages (there are 30)
Me: ...

That's fine, here is the quote for the extra work, it will push out the deadline by XXX. Do you wish to continue?

[xor]

It's for an internal project. Not billable

[crocos]

Originally Posted by xor

It's for an internal project. Not billable

So just "it will push out the deadline by $time and you'll need to talk to $manager for scheduling. Do you wish to continue?"

[Jodi]

Point being, don't let them make their problem your problem if it's due to their incompetence.

[pxpx]

xor it's obviously your fault for not asking the right questions

[Trigger]

Originally Posted by pxpx

xor it's obviously your fault for not being psychic

[DrTiTus]

Landed in Wellington last night, go out to the carpark where my scooter is waiting. Kick the kick start thing, travels all the way down effortlessly, and jams. Wiggling/kicking/messing about does nothing. End up mostly stripping the teeth on it in desperation, now it hands limply. Had to get picked up in a van so I could chuck it in the back. Mr Fixit today.

[Spoon1]

I wanted a pie so popped in to Bond St. No parks because they doing some kind of road works so I pull off the road into a loading zone (with other loading zone parks available so I'm not actually inconveniencing anyone). No queues inside so it's just grab food, pay and straight back out.

Fucking parking douche standing there starting to give me a ticket. He hadn't even started so I had to wait for him to tap in his shit and take his photos etc etc. It took longer for him to issue the ticket than I was in the park for. He was probably hiding around the corner waiting for me to pull in and will likely hang there doing the same to other suckers.

I fully admit I was at fault but fuck it grinds my gears.

$44 pie :/

[aR Que]

Why didn't you just boost?

[StN]

Didja blow on the pie?

[CCS]

Should've assaulted him. He can't give you a ticket when he's unconscious!

[StN]

Originally Posted by CCS

It transpires that the US version of BBC Frozen Planet has had Sir David Attenborough's narration replaced with... Alec Baldwin. Look, Baldwin is a good narrator in the right circumstances, but who in their right mind would replace Attenborough with anyone?

What would Baldwin do here?

[CCS]

I don't know about Baldwin, but I reckon that afterwards, Attenborough made the beast with two backs with her. Did the dance as old as time itself, know what I mean?

[[Malks] Pixie]

Had Telstraclear book a technician to come round and fix our TV which is currently (again) unwatchable. This would have been the 4th time we've had a tech round to fix it (which seems to last for about 4 weeks before reverting to an unwatchable mess) except the cock never showed up this morning. Rang TC to rebook for tomorrow and the woman was incredibly uncooperative and basically sighed through the entire conversation. Now I have to wait around for 4 hours tomorrow for the tech to not show up (as they don't seem to be able to give time frames smaller than 4 hours). About had it with TC but ain't no way we're going to Telecom.

Fucking BS Telstra GMG.

Pixie

[CCS]

New Zealand publishers are a fucking basket case. The year is 2012 and digital books are a massive and lucrative means of distributing a bunch of written words. And what are New Zealand publishers doing? As far as I can tell, they're sucking their toes.

Take for example the recently released Rhys Darby book, This Way to Spaceship. He's currently world famous in New Zealand and you'd expect his book has shifted a few units. I was interested in reading it, but not willing to pay for a dead tree version. That's alright, I thought. It'll be available as a download for this is the 21st century and the media always bangs on about how New Zealand is always so quick to embrace technology.

Do you think I could find the book as a download for which I would exchange money? Fuck no.

So I spent several weeks ping-ponging emails around publishers, getting spammed for some new initiative in the process (thanks, faggots), in an effort to find out if there were imminent plans to release the book as an ebook.

I finally got this answer:

Hi there, cum-gargling choad-lord,

Yes, I can confirm that we hold the electronic rights. I’m afraid we don’t have immediate plans to digitise This Way to Spaceship. Once our new project is launched during the month of June we will be able to focus on our digital strategy.

Kind regards,
Jo

Well fuck you very much. I gotta say... I don't understand this at all. I see ebooks as a fucking license to print money. It should be a no-brainer. The poor 'administrative assistant' who emailed me said they have no immediate plans to digitise the book. Guess what? IT'S ALREADY FUCKING DIGITISED! Nobody prints books with hot lead any more! It starts out in digital form and all you have to do is feed it into some software and it farts out a goddamn ebook!

My suggestion is that their digital strategy is all arse about face. Have a look at the publisher's website. Look at that felchpool of Flash. They need to waste less fucking time on shit like that and more on ebooks.

Here's the kicker. Go to the menu down the bottom, click on BOOKS, then click on Rhys Darby's book. You can actually view the ENTIRE FUCKING BOOK ONLINE FOR FREE! It's in Flash form of course. You won't be able to read that shit on the bus. But it's there. For free. All of it. You don't have to pay money and you can read it. They're busy making stupid bullshit like this as part of a web page instead of selling the book for Kindles and this is their fucking current digital strategy. Let's hope their revamp fixes this up.

[smeggar]

Originally Posted by Spoon1

I wanted a pie so popped in to Bond St. No parks because they doing some kind of road works so I pull off the road into a loading zone (with other loading zone parks available so I'm not actually inconveniencing anyone). No queues inside so it's just grab food, pay and straight back out.

Fucking parking douche standing there starting to give me a ticket. He hadn't even started so I had to wait for him to tap in his shit and take his photos etc etc. It took longer for him to issue the ticket than I was in the park for. He was probably hiding around the corner waiting for me to pull in and will likely hang there doing the same to other suckers.

I fully admit I was at fault but fuck it grinds my gears.

$44 pie :/

Parking wardens do actually hang out inside a loading dock just up that alley, smoking and what have you. They have a nest up there or something. So they probably were just waiting for you to come along into their trap.

[Cyberbob]

Originally Posted by smeggar

Parking wardens do actually hang out inside a loading dock just up that alley, smoking and what have you. They have a nest up there or something. So they probably were just waiting for you to come along into their trap.

They do that to nab the taxi's that always overstay their welcome in Bond St.

[xor]

If the phone rings once and then diverts to VM then it's a pretty clear indication that I either a) don't want to talk to you or b) not in a position to talk to you.

[A Corpse]

If your landline voicemail says to call your cellphone, and your cellphone goes to voicemail after two rings, and I leave a message with full details mentioning how I need a reponse before lunch, then I bloody well expect you to return my goddamn call and not whinge to my boss about how what you wanted me to do isn't fucking done.

Oil: boss isn't fooled one bit about who's to blame.

[aR Que]

'i left a message on your phone'
'did you email me?'
'no i left a messa....'
'so you didn't email me'
'no but i...'
'yea, nah, just email me.'

Voice messages, wtf!

[StN]

I last used VM when I was at the IRD and we introduced the automated call handling system. Got out of the habit after 20 years, and recently when I decided it would be more prudent if my desk phone didn't transfer to my cell after 4 rings (and put the onus on my cost centre coughing up the call costs).

Now I get less cell transfers. I also have a useless desk phone that doesn't flash a light when there is a message - it just changes the dial tone. Newsflash, people don't listen to see if the line is ready now - we have changed to the cell paradigm where the service is initiated or we are told that it can't be.

I might ask to have it removed, and risk looking like a luddite - or squeeze OoKiE to get Lync intergrated and let Outlook sort my life out. The my cellphone can tell me that my desk phone has a message. Progress.

[crocos]

Ooorrr... Set your voicemail to tell the caller your email address, and then drop the call without offering the chance to record the message.

[Cyberbob]

Fucking ISP's.
If you're migrating a telephone exchange port, and the new port doesn't work, fucking revert the change!

So quick to say "not my problem".

That was wednesday morning. Meanwhile the entire branch is still offline.

[cyc]

Originally Posted by CCS

[legitimate complaint against NZ publisher]

Here's my own, albeit in a slightly different context.

Dear Rockstar Games and Your Fucking Muppet-Ass NZ Distributor,

What the hell are you thinking in delaying the retail release of Max Payne 3 on the PC in NZ? I hate retailers generally but for once they deserve a break -- you're going to let people buy the damn thing on Steam for around the same price on June 1 but won't release the thing via retail until June 8? What the fuck are you thinking? Not everyone wants to buy off Steam, especially when the download is 28 gigs.

Okay, I suppose I do but then I am reminded that you (Rockstar) have a fucked up region-based pricing policy, which forces me to pay way more to buy it on Steam in NZ as opposed to, say, the US. Fuck you very much.

You know what your all-round fucktardary ultimately forced me to do? I went and bought a retail cdkey (not compatible with Steam -- none of your retail keys are ) off g2play.net for $32 freakng NZD, preloaded the retail discs off somewhere, and will get to play it on June 1 like you previously said I can and at a far better price than you ever intended. Welcome to the 21st century, where globalisation and improved communications infrastructure allow me to give you the finger.


Yours faithfully,

Go Fuck Yourself

[Ab]

Why do people need to be shown how to use computer products from scratch every time as if they've never even seen a computer before?

HOW DO I CREATE A NEW DOCUMENT THIS IS SO CONFUSING

Fucked if I know, I've never seen your fucking content management system before, why don't you look for something that says "new" or "documents"? Hey whaddya know, there's a menu right there, why don't you have a look. And whaddya know, there's a "create new" menu item, well fuck me.

I CREATED A NEW DOCUMENT BUT I CAN'T PUBLISH IT THIS IS SO CONFUSING

Look cunt, I've never seen your CMS before this very minute, but I bet I'm going to see a big fucking button with "save" or "publish" smack in the middle of the scre---hey whaddya know, there's a big fucking button labelled "publish".

Jesus skullfucking zombie christ. Do these people get in cars and go "OOH ALL THESE DIALS AND PEDALS AND THIS BIG WHEEL OOH WHAT DO I DO"?

WORK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF YOU CUNT.

[cyc]

Originally Posted by Ab

Jesus skullfucking zombie christ. Do these people get in cars and go "OOH ALL THESE DIALS AND PEDALS AND THIS BIG WHEEL OOH WHAT DO I DO"?

Actually, they do. I used to work with one.

[Ab]

"hey, valued client, you ringing and emailing me ten times a day with this inane shit is losing me money because you're not paying me to be a fucking IT monkey and you asking me how to find the ANY key is destroying my productivity while I'm working on your fucking marketing campaign, I will have to start billing you for my time"

NO THAT'S OK WE DON'T WANT TO INCREASE YOUR MONTHLY INVOICE... BUT OH COULD YOU PLEASE JUST WORK OUT WHY THE INTERNET ISN'T WORKING?

[Saladin]

Originally Posted by Ab

Look cunt, I've never seen your CMS before this very minute, but I bet I'm going to see a big fucking button with "save" or "publish" smack in the middle of the scre---hey whaddya know, there's a big fucking button labelled "publish".

Maybe it had a 3.5" disc icon and they couldn't figure out what that was

[crocos]

Abbadon RAAAAAGGGGEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not saying it's notjustified, but still, lol.

[CCS]

I hate these people of the generation that never grew up with computers, or never learned to use computers. It's just not second nature for them to think "hey let's just do this with a computer, we'll just sell our shit world wide in a digital format and make it available to everyone and we'll start by creating a new document...aight, publish that shit"

These people just need to hurry up and die because they are pissing everyone off. Unfortunately, these people are not too much older than me and so I'll have to put up with them for the another 20 odd years it would seem.

[Ab]

I've just had one of those "hey why hasn't this thing been done, it was supposed to be finished by Friday" - "because you pay for X hours of my time per week, and you have used it up by asking me why the printer's not working once per hour every day" discussions.

[CCS]

lolling

[aR Que]

Originally Posted by cyc

Actually, they do. I used to work with one.

heh, labelled a car with post it notes to help a colleague out a while ago, 'turn this' on the steering wheel, push this 'on the gas pedal' etc. etc. they were everywere, had some pearlers, a shame about the disciplinary action.
Hoooo, then there was the time...

[Brutus]

Wouldn't a car only be relevant to Abs point if the gas and brake pedals were swapped around, or maybe the drivers wheel for a set of handlebars in different makes/models/years.

Then you'd be perfectly validated in jumping in a car and saying how the duck do you make this thing work, even when you're perfectly competent in a different car.

[xor]

Originally Posted by Ab

I've just had one of those "hey why hasn't this thing been done, it was supposed to be finished by Friday" - "because you pay for X hours of my time per week, and you have used it up by asking me why the printer's not working once per hour every day" discussions.

What would happen if you refer them on to an integrator of sorts to look after systems requirements?

[Ab]

Originally Posted by Brutus

Wouldn't a car only be relevant to Abs point if the gas and brake pedals were swapped around, or maybe the drivers wheel for a set of handlebars in different makes/models/years.

Say you jump from an Asian-manufactured car to a Euro or vice versa. You're wondering which handle is the wipers and which is the indicators. What do you do?

a) think to yourself "well, it would be normal in a car for it to be either this one on the right or this one on the left. I'll try one and-- ok, that's indicators. So this one is probably-- yep, wipers."

b) ring someone whom you've seen driving a car before and say "HOW DO I TURN ON THE INDICATORS IN THIS CAR YOU'VE NEVER SEEN?"

[aR Que]

The handbrake on the other side of the console drives me up the wall (GEDDIT!), cheap cunts, make a RHD centre console.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RIP FAT DOUGHIES WHEN IT'S OVER THERE!

[Saladin]

Originally Posted by aR Que

The handbrake on the other side of the console drives me up the wall (GEDDIT!), cheap cunts, make a RHD centre console.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RIP FAT DOUGHIES WHEN IT'S OVER THERE!

The one that really threw me once when test driving a car was the handbrake as a pedal where the clutch normally is.

[aR Que]

^^ yea, i've slid a cefiro (havn't we all, lulullzlz) down the road because I slammed my foot onto the handbrake like it was a clutch >_<