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Originally Posted by Ab
You know, this whole issue has been weighing on me for a week or so. I was waiting for a bus the other day and found myself at the bus stop with a, um, woman of indeterminate age and significant boganity with a little girl maybe 3 or 4? in your standard little-girl Disney princess outfit. She was a charming little thing, big smile on her face, interested in stuff that was going on around the bus stop. I had my headphones in listening to a podcast and I was kinda powerwalking up and down the footpath (gotta get those steps in wherever you can, right). Little girl comes up to me and starts talking, I pull out my headphones and she's just babbling all the things a chatty little girl would babble - "what's your name? what are you doing? are you waiting for a bus? I like the yellow buses" and I was doing my best to not give off Stranger Danger vibes. She seemed a pretty cool child. Talkative, articulate for her age, the sorts of things that tick boxes for anyone who has tried to raise a kid. I walked with her the 20 metres back to where her (mother?) was standing.
And the chain-smoking woman in the wraparound shades just fucking unloaded on the girl. Just like, "for fuck's sake you little shit, I told you to sit down, don't fucking move, I'm fucking sick of you and sick of your shit!" - to a four-year-old! The little girl, previously chatty and happy just wilted and sat down in the dust in her ragged little Princess Elsa costume and I was going what the hell.
And not only did I not do shit, I didn't even remotely feel like I had the ability to do shit. If the woman had physically bashed the little girl I would have intervened in a flash, called the cops, been the good guy. But this bogan bitch stomped a little girl's mind right in front of me and I didn't feel like I could do anything about it.
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In Western society this is about the other half of trauma therapy (the first half being sexual violence.) A single instance of what you describe isn't going to have much impact on anyone. Like being slapped upside the head, hurtful but no lasting damage. But when this is your day-to-day, it's a whole other thing. Physical violence may be involved, but it's unnecessary. The psychological violence is enough to crush a person, as you so clearly described. A heartbreaking encounter.
In my experience the only current effective way to counter such behaviour in public circumstances is to offer something different. Perhaps say something you would say to your daughter in response to something they're happy about. Give the same kind of smile.
It requires some bravery, but you can't accept the projection that it's always bad for adults and children to interact in public.
Of course, it would be nice if you could call someone out more directly, as you would with a physical attack. But one step at a time, we've already come a long way. 150 years ago you could still openly visit child brothels, unless you were too important, in which case you wouldn't need to.