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Originally Posted by fixed_truth
@Dr T. If you don't care with how people present, how do you decide who uses what toilet or changing room?
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Given that I've said that I'm more in favour of the notion of feminine/masculine rather than the false concept of changing what one "is", then naturally men belong in men's private spaces, and women in women's private spaces. Whether you're masculine/feminine, dressed as a fairy or a lumberjack, it shouldn't matter. You are what you are. Since men's toilets have both urinals and stalls, I don't have a problem with inviting anyone to use men's toilets. Men are not complaining about trans-men coming into men's toilets - it's the women complaining about trans-women, so if they want their space, let's be gentlemen and allow anyone into "our" toilet space. Would you have a problem with that solution?
There is also the option of the disabled toilets for anyone who feels uncomfortable/awkward. I often use the disabled toilet if the men's is full. It's never been a problem. Yet I'm not disabled. Maybe if I was at a handicap convention I would avoid it because there are more likely to be wheelchair users, but if there's no wheelchair in sight, the disabled toilet is usually free. And you can roll a joint in there in peace. If someone complained, then yeah, I'd apologize and go to the men's instead. I wouldn't say that I identify as disabled because my vision isn't perfect, or I'm "neurodivergent" or some other new age disability.
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Also people that have gone through MTF genital reconstructive surgery have no willy, so you're okay calling them women?
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That's not quite how the logic works, it's only an implication based on the presence of penis, nothing mentioned about not having a penis. But no, I would consider them a feminine [feminised] man who has had genital reconstructive surgery. Still not a woman. People are born as either male or female, and that can't be altered. It can be disguised, but never changed.
Breast implants are quite an old/accepted surgery now, yet people still differentiate between "real" tits and "fake" tits. Someone with fake tits knows they're fake. They won't try to claim they are natural and get upset and notify your employer if you point out that they're not real and you can see the scars. Unless you're at work, and you start asking if their tits are real for no reason, in which case it's sexual harassment, and not really anything to do with the authenticity of their tits.
As far as toilets go, again, I'm happy to welcome MtF into the men's and they can use a stall. Or there is the disabled toilet. Or if they're respectful or "pass" as a woman - rather than being all "girlhood" and making a scene and saying "I'm a lady" all the time - then it's very likely women wouldn't have a problem either. It's not my space, and I'm not the one complaining about my space being invaded by non-women.
The key is just to respect others and not cause problems. If a building is empty (let's say you're the janitor) you can use any toilet you want and no one will complain. If someone is complaining about your behaviour, then its up to you to correct/adjust your behaviour. If no one is complaining, then continue as you are. If you are a trans-woman receiving complaints about being somewhere, then I think if you're socially aware you should respect that and don't go in that space. I consider myself socially stunted, and even I know that. Falling back on "I have rights!" is where we're at, but if someone chose to transition, since "choices have consequences", then live with it and stop causing unnecessary problems.